Highland 12th Ward Martin's Cove Trek 2017

TREK!!!
We talked A LOT on trek about remembering. Hopefully I can record some things here tonight that I don't want to forget. Brother Haderlie made us these awesome journals with real leather covers and I did write in it each day. But there is still so much I could say. It is hard to put the feelings of the Spirit into words. My heart was changed this week and I hope I always remember.
It wouldn't be a good trip it wasn't squeezed in, right? I left the reunion Monday afternoon, got home at 5:30 and had to have my bucket loaded and dropped off by 7. Then it was up early Tuesday morning because we met at the church at 4:45 am. That was how the whole week went. Pretty sure we watched the sun rise and set every day. Not a bad deal actually. The sun was beautiful out on the Wyoming plains.

I was in charge of music. I love music and especially the hymns so this was easy for me. Other than the part that required convincing a group of 20 teenagers that they wanted to sing all the time while out on a wilderness survival trip. But they were good sports about it.
The first day we did Martin's Cove. We did a river crossing and the water was high-up past my belly button. It is unfathomable to me how they crossed the rivers so many times in the cold ice and snow. I can think of few things more torturous then repeatedly getting in cold cold water and not being able to warm up. Over the course of the three days we trekked I came to realize how many river crossings there were. The river just winds back and forth through that valley. Survival and the will to live is strong and they had no other option, but I'm afraid I would have been one of the women who sat down next to the river and cried because I just couldn't go in the water again. Would I have made someone carry me across? Am I doing that now? Am I making somebody else suffer at my expense because I won't do my own hard thing? Or is that a bad thing? Those young boys who came to rescue the Saints and carried them across the river gave of their lives in doing so-yet they gained true life at the same time. Service is powerful and can exist in any situation. Even amidst the hardest trials the Pioneers found it essential to serve and help each other.

Martins Cove was different than I expected it. I pictured it more fortress like, a real safe place to find refuge from the storm. But it spoke volumes to me of the desperateness of their situation to see that the place they struggled to reach for safety, in reality provided very little protection. There was some protection from the wind, but they were still exposed to elements. As we walked through I tried to imagine tents set up in all the best spots I saw along the way.
My big take away from this day was that the Pioneers were not invincible as we sometimes make them up in our minds to be. They didn't just happily sing hymns all along the way with a smile, knowing they were doing God's will so "all was well." They cried, they collapsed, they gave up hope, they refused to go on. BUT they did not give up. They relied on God and on the strength of their families when things got hard. And God did bless them and strengthen them and come to their relief. I felt so strongly the truth that I am not falling short when I cry and lose hope and give up, not seeing how I can possibly go on any more. As long as turn to God and then get up and keep going. They reached the valley one step at a time. Step after step after step. And so can I. But I must keep God as my source of strength and comfort and never lose sight of my eternal goal. It was through their suffering that they were perfected and became the people God needed to build up Zion. And it is through my sufferings that God can build me up to do His work also. This isn't really a new truth to me, but being there and feeling the weight of the Pioneers struggles as well as the strength of their faith, testified this to me in a new way.
The second day was a very emotional day for me. This day we did Sixth Crossing-the Willie Handcart side. Right off they did a reenactment of the Jens and Elsie Nelson story. In a nutshell, this is a story of incredible love. Jens, the father, was sick and at one point collapsed and insisted he could go no further. Elsie, his wife, refused to leave him behind. He was a very tall, big man. And she was tiny-less than 5 feet. Sending her young son (age 3 I believe) ahead with the girl (age 9) they brought along with them, she somehow got her husband up into the handcart and pulled him up the hill, up Rocky Ridge, the rest of the way to Rocky Hollow. Watching the Smiths  act this out brought so many emotions to my heart at once. I understand that deep bond and love for my husband that she must have felt. I COULD NOT have simply walked away and left him there to die. This especially hit home because I was really missing Justin on this trip and kept wishing that he could be there with me. So badly I wanted him there on this journey with me. So often in life right now I find myself missing him and wishing he could be here more and take part in our life. And yet I am helpless to do anything about it. Sometimes we have moments where I feel really connected to Justin-like we are "pulling together" towards a common goal. And other times I feel alone and disconnected. But I am determined not to leave him behind on the trail. I can be strong when he needs me and I can carry us forward until we can do it together again. All throughout trek as my relationships blossomed and I began to feel like I had a place here in Pocatello, I kept thinking about how Justin was not there having those experiences with me. Some things you can't explain you just have to feel them and witness them and take part. But I can do my part in sharing this experience with him and not leaving him behind. This one is kind of hard to explain what so I'll move on now, but it touched my heart.
Right after this experience was the womens pull. I had hardly recovered from my tears when they started flowing again. The pull itself was actually kind of lame. It needed to be a lot longer and maybe a little steeper. However, the devotional that Sis. Sanford gave beforehand was powerful. I realized this from the experience: The metaphorical womens pull that I am living right now is doable. It's not really that hard. And I can do it a lot better than I have been. I need to ask God the right questions about how He can help me. And I can and need to start doing family prayer, scriptures, and FHE again. No more excuses-I got this. I also loved walking up through all the men. I was reminded that I am where I am today because of many strong men in my life. I love the men. I thought of the men on trek and all they did to serve the women-fill the water jugs repeatedly, pull the handcarts, set up tents...and I read an account about the real men on the Pioneer trek and some of the reasons why so many of the men collapsed and got sick and died was because they had given so much through the whole journey. Taking the heavy loads, doing night watch and not sleeping, etc. Women are strong and we can do hard things. But oddly this experience made me appreciate men more and realize that I could not do the things I do without men. The gospel is true folks. There is a reason that eternal marriage is the crowning ordinance in heaven. The man cannot be without the woman, neither the woman without the man.
We talked a lot about the rescue today. One thing that really stood out to me was that the rescue came AFTER they ran out of food. They were at the very end and had NOTHING left but hope in God. Then the rescue came. I thought about how this works in my life. Help comes from God when I really need it, and not before. The struggle makes us stronger, and God gives us time to work things out on our own.
Overall my take away from the day was LOVE. Love is stronger than we realize. With love for God and love for our families, we can do more than we ever imagined.
Also of note this day--the river crossing today was at the end and right by camp. So after we crossed they let us just play in the river for about an hour. It felt so good! The kids got in a water fight and somehow I ended up in the middle of it with the biggest kid, Caleb. I wasn't going to let him win that one. We were buddies after that and it was kind of a running joke about the "feud" between him and I. That night for square dancing it just worked out that he was assigned to be my partner! He was thrilled!!  Also Landon ate two minnows. Gross.
The third day we hiked Rocky Ridge-15 miles. Once again it wasn't as bad as I had pictured it and like they talked it up to seem. But the gravity of the situation impressed deeply on me. It took them 27 hours to do this stretch; we did it in 9 1/2. This speaks to their weakened state, the snow, the freezing wind, and their determination to live and reach the rescue wagons waiting for them at Rocky Hollow. There weren't many pioneer stories shared today but I had some good experiences with the youth. We had a lot of time just walking and talking together. I love moments like that-when you can connect with people in meaningful ways. Rocky Hollow was the perfect way to end trek. This is hallowed ground, which means the Savior has walked there. The Spirit was so strong and tangible. I envisioned the Savior holding those who died there in his arms as they passed into his peace. I saw him walking among the living and ministering to each as he went. We had a nice devotional at the grave site monument and we sang "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go." The Spirit hit me so strong as we sang those words and I looked out at the youth I was leading. Landon looked me right in the eye as he sang those words and I knew that he was being touched. I couldn't sing all of the last chorus. There was a huge pile of beautiful fresh roses on the grave. I don't know who put them there but seeing them there touched me. I think it helped to hit home that all these stories we had been talking about were real people. Mothers, fathers, grandparents. Their legacy lives on and they are beloved my many.

That night we had testimony meeting around the fire. The kids were more hesitant to share than I thought they would be; I think some of that comes from having the boys and girls together so they don't feel quite as comfortable sharing personal things. But many beautiful testimonies were shared and it was clear that many hearts and lives had been touched. One particularly stood out and was especially meaningful. Landon. I had spent a lot of time with him as I was in his car for the drive, spent most of my time pulling with him and talking throughout that week and day. He shared a strong testimony about how he had not been making good choices and hadn't felt the spirit in a long time but he could feel it strong that night and he could not deny that it was true. He pledged for it to be a new start. That night I kept thinking of the scripture about if you should labor all your day and bring save it be one soul unto repentance, how great shall be your joy. I thought about all the work and preparation that had gone into trek. If all of that was just so Landon could feel the Spirit that night it would have been worth it. But he was not the only one. "And how great shall be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me." (something like that). It was a treasured experience for all involved. For the youth-they came together and unified in a beautiful way, and they did it all on their own. The spirit was felt strongly by all throughout the trek. We had a theme song "Fire of the Covenant" that we started learning before trek and we sang it at the close of every night. The kids sang it, but halfheartedly. The last night as we gathered around the campfire after testimony meeting and sang, their voices were full of conviction and power. It was like a choir of angels singing that night. They were bearing their testimonies through that song. That moment made all the music I had done on trek worth it.
I joked about how Bishop asked me to go last minute and it was kind of crazy getting everything ready, but God knew that I needed to be there. I needed to be rescued. I felt how keenly God is aware of me and what I need and what will help me. This is an experience I have been waiting my whole life to have. To those on the outside it seemed like bad timing and poor judgment for the bishop to ask me to go considering the circumstances. But my soul leaped with joy the moment he asked me and it was never a question. I, like the early Saints, want to be obedient to the Lord. I will go and do the things he asks of me. Because I know that his wisdom is greater than mine and He is guiding my life.
I came home carrying the Spirit with me stronger than I have in a long time. I have already failed at keeping it with me always. Nothing about my life changed while I was gone. My challenges and weaknesses are still here, as strong and present as ever. At first I felt overwhelmed, like the weight of life was literally pressing me in and squeezing the Spirit out. I could feel that power leaving me and I wanted to keep it so badly. But I have been strengthened, and I will prevail. I have learned to rely more fully on God. To be more obedient to his commandments. To immerse myself more fully in His gospel so that I can have that Spirit to guide me. God has not asked me to walk across the plains, although sometimes I think I would rather do that. But his invitation is still the same: Come, Follow Me.
Remember the Pioneers
Remember their faith and their sacrifice
Remember why they did it

I could write this much more about why and more lessons learned. But much of that is written in my journal so I won't repeat it. I was asked to share some thoughts in Sacrament Meeting and so a lot of that is recorded as I prepared to share. But for your own ponderings, my testimony was about eternal marriage and its necessity in returning to live with God. Not believing Satan's lies. The temple being our highest priority and goal, worthy of every sacrifice. LOVE.

**I didn't take many pictures because I always kept my phone off and put away unless I had it out to use for music. I didn't want my battery to die and I didn't want the distraction of the phone to myself or the youth. We had a trek photographer who took pictures all week and we will be coming together to see those sometime soon.