Wanting to Blog, but....

I always have great intentions of blogging during the day. I have so many different things to write I don't know where I will start or which one I should pick to do first. And then there is finally a moment that rolls around where I have time to sit and write (or am choosing to neglect other things), and I can't think of a bloomin' thing to say. Maybe it's pregnancy or maybe that's just how it is being the mother of two small boys, running a preschool out of my home, and being in the Relief Society presidency. Probably it's all of those things combined with being pregnant. When the house goes quiet at night and it's not a preschool prep day all my good intentions go out the window and I just want to sit still and be. Let the dishes sit unwashed, let the laundry go unfolded, let the toys lie strewn across the floor-they don't bother me. Some people struggle to relax or go to sleep at night because they stress and worry about all the million of things there are in a day to stress about. I have never had that problem. I consider it a huge blessing in my life. Sure I feel pressure to get things done or worry how things might turn out but when I want to be done thinking about those and I just want to have a quiet evening, I can quiet my head. Perhaps I could make millions writing a self-help book about how to do that. But it would probably be a flop because to me it is simple-just don't stress. When I worked in the Telefund office at Southern Virginia University (a call center) we had a saying that I promoted: Be a duck! If you put water on a duck's back it just rolls right off their feathers. Cool huh? So my way of saying don't sweat the small stuff is: Be a duck! Just let it roll off and move on.
   When I was younger I was known for my enthusiasm, energy, happiness, and optimism. People would always make comments about it and I often got questions asking why I was like that, or how I was like that all the time. I never had a good answer and just figured that was how God made me. That was the personality he gave me and I was able to be happy and find the good. Unfortunately those probably aren't the first qualities people would pick out in me anymore and I don't get asked those questions as often. Life has toned me down a bit and my never ending energy tank seems to be draining. (Again I think related to pregnancy at this moment in life.) But occasionally it does come up and someone will notice that I can stay calm and positive despite my circumstances. The more people I meet in life and the more situations I am exposed to has caused me to spend a lot of time pondering the answer to this question. Why am I that way? Was it the way my parents raised me? Some life experience? Some piece of wisdom I have discovered that others haven't? Perhaps some of those things come into play. But I have recently discovered what I believe the true answer to be: faith. Deep down I think I knew this all along but sometimes those things are the hardest to realize because they seem so obvious to ourself. But I have great faith. I believe in the Savior Jesus Christ and in the Plan of Salvation and everything that those entail. That doesn't mean I live perfectly or the way I would like to live all the time. It doesn't mean I don't have regrets or wish some things were different. But when you believe in the Atonement you don't have to carry those things around every day. Sometimes I know I am not utilizing the Atonement the way I should or I wonder if I am living worthy of receiving that forgiveness. But despite all that I believe in the mercy and love of God and I know he won't turn me away because I had a bad day, a bad week, or a bad year. I don't need to go into all the details of how it works because I just have faith. My aunt has a quote in her house that speaks so powerfully to me every time I see it. Especially if you knew what life has given her to deal with in the past few years. It says: Choose faith over fear. I choose faith. This is a gospel of great joy and glad tidings. It is governed by the Prince of Peace. Therefore faith brings joy and peace. No, faith IS joy and peace.
   I sure love this journey of life. It has so many beautiful and interesting and intricate parts weaving themselves together. And each choice we make and each thought we think leads us down a path. This reminds me of another favorite quote which I will save for another day because it is long and deserves its own moment of glory.
See, I really do have a lot to say I just have to get myself going. I sure hope this baby is a decent sleeper, or that I am able to function for more hours of the day after he is born, because nights have just not been my thing lately. I have never been a night person-ever. I can be super productive starting early in the day and work hard right on through. But once 9 o'clock rolls around I start winding down fast. How did I ever make it through college? I guess you just do what you have to. But there is a reason that almost every family prayer before bed includes, "help us to sleep well and get the rest we need". I have been down the not sleeping well and not rested road and it is not a place I care to ever go again. My parents say I slept through the night from the day I came home from the hospital and that pretty much sums me up. I can do a lot of things if I get some sleep at night. Otherwise life gets a little interesting. And now I have rambled long enough. I think I will fall asleep to some Bill O'Reilly. Because even though I love the guy, he does a pretty good job of putting me to sleep at night : ) Or maybe I should start working on that Relief Society lesson I have to teach....