Laugh Away

So the other night I wrote this lovely post about faith and peace and not letting little things get to you. The next two days were pretty awful. It was like life (or Satan if you will) was laughing in my face. "Ha ha" he said, "Let's see about this faith you speak of." Tuesday morning was really not any worse than any other preschool morning (I kind of hate preschool mornings) but I lost it. I will blame it on pregnancy hormones : ) I missed Koyle pooping because I was "trying to get ready for preschool" and so didn't drop everything and run as fast as I should have when he told me he needed to go potty for the 4th time. Grr...stupid preschool. If it hadn't been for that I would have gladly dropped everything and followed him in and we would have had a pooping success. Then I sent Matthew in to get dressed, hoping that he would somehow miraculously decided to do that in a timely fashion without needing help since I was getting ready for preschool. I walked in a few minutes later and he was playing with Koyle and making a mess and not getting dressed and I lost my temper at him and yelled and slammed the door shut. And that's when I lost it. I broke down because I was a horrible person and a horrible mother and clearly preschool makes me be mean to my kids and it's not their fault, blah blah blah. I even called Justin and sobbed to him for a minute. I don't think he knew what to do with me because it is very uncharacteristic of me to show my emotions that way-even to him. But I pulled it together before Brittany got to my house, I got preschool set up all by myself and had my two kids shining and smiling and ready to go and we went about our day. Yes, I did eat a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge for lunch.
   Friday my resolve to have a better day didn't last very long. The kids were whiny and complaining and Koyle was having accidents and we weren't even through breakfast yet. My house was a disaster and we had a whole day stretching out before us where we would once again be unable to leave because of potty training.  I held it together for a while and then broke down sobbing again. (I really think my hormones were off because it really wasn't a bad morning or anything out of the ordinary.) After a little bit of crying I gathered my mental powers and fought back all the negative thoughts and just told myself out loud, over and over again, "I can do it. I can do it." The kids were in the bath and I took the time to play a little piano song and calm down.
All along I kept thinking how not ironic it was that I was being hit so hard by this negativity after publicly sharing my faith. I could see in my mind's eye Satan chuckling down at me. But laugh away dude, you're gonna have to try harder than that to beat me. Pretty much all it did was give me time to step back and assess my life and find things that I need to do better to help resolve some of the issues I've been having.
I have been wanting to set some goals for myself but I have had a horrible attitude about setting goals lately because I usually don't meet them, so why bother. The trick is setting the right goal but I hadn't been able to decide what the right thing was. Thanks to this week I know what my goal needs to be. The answer came from the Relief Society lesson I am working on about self-reliance and individual responsibility. What's lacking in my life is a little hard work, and living the principle early to bed, early to rise. So onward and forward we press! And I really enjoyed the rest of Friday and today with my kids, which I will post about later.
** As a disclaimer, for those preschool moms who might be reading this. I don't hate preschool! Don't worry-I just need to be more organized and prepared in the mornings instead of trying to do stuff last minute.