I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of this crazy winter but I think it is time for spring and warmer weather and outside time and parks and walks-places where the sound can get carried away on the breeze instead of ringing inside my head.
I watched a short video tonight about mothers who use the phrase "boys will be boys" as an excuse for their children's behavior. This video was speaking more about letting boys treat women disrespectfully, but it got me thinking about boy behavior in general. This is something I have often thought of before. And I don't always know exactly what to make of it. I have only ever been the mother to boys, so I don't necessarily have a true benchmark to compare it to. But I have been around kids a lot in my life and have plenty of nieces and have taught plenty of young girls in preschool, etc. to feel like my judgments are at least based somewhat in the truth and aren't completely off the mark. Of course in analyzing such things stereotypes apply and I know it is not the case in every situation. And here is how I feel about the matter. Boys are just crazier! But everyone already knew that right? But knowing something, or laughing at the little social jokes that come of such truths is different than living it; day in and day out being the model that such stereotypes come from. I have good kids, and I really believe that. But they are ages 7, 5, 2, and 7 months. So there are a lot of "little kid behavior" that goes on at my house. You know-not sharing, not being kind and thoughtful of others, illogical tantrums and arguments, over tired meltdowns, whining, etc. My kids are always moving. It is a rare moment when they sit in one spot and do something for any amount of time. Those moments are beautiful and precious and treasured every day.
When they are playing happlily, they are playing dragons, or wizard duels, or star wars, or hunting, or sports, or any other game that requires running, loud voices, and knocking the other person to the ground. I think this is an innate part of boys play for a real reason. Men are the protectors and defenders and they do the hard labor in a family. So naturally they learn these skills and play out these natural tendencies as children. And I want them to grow up and be tough and brave and strong for their wives and children. But I still want them to be kind and respectful and thoughtful. Teaching those things to little boys who just have too much energy is more difficult. Am I doing a good job? I guess we'll find out in 18 years when they are grown up.
I want them to know how to work hard and do their chores. But getting them to care about cleanliness and tidiness is liking banging your head against a brick wall. It's just not in their nature to care about such things. And no-that's not an excuse to stop trying. But if you really think about it (socialogy is fascinating to me) there is a reason that every wife ever jokes about her husband not being good at cleaning and doing household jobs, right? Innately women are more suited for such things, and boys care more about other things. This all makes me sound extremely sexist, but hopefully you can see through to the meaning I am getting at here. I'm sure a mom of girls could write a whole post about the challenges of raising all girls. we do a monthly theme where we focus on a key phrase and have a scripture that goes with it. this month our phrase is wash and wipe. Because seriously we have to practice and talk about things like washing and wiping our bums and our bodies and the toilets and other things like that. there's nothing naturally built in that tells them I'm dirty so I should wash.
Sometimes I do find myself saying in essence "boys will be boys." But is that wrong of me? Am I just excusing their behavior because I am too tired or too overwhelmed to deal with it? Should I make them be calm and quiet and tidy all the time? Is it worth it? Won't these things naturally turn into positive qualities when they are older? I think for all of us the great test of life is to master the natural man. I think it is good to evaluate things. Tonight was a good opportunity to remind myself not to use the excuse that they are just little boys too much-they need to learn to master their inner man and channel it towards good. But I also think it is important not to get too worked up about little things; after all they are just little boys!
What I'm really trying to say is this: I have four little boys. They are loud, and they run and climb everywhere, they can't keep their hands to themselves, they play hard all day long, they think cleaning house is for the birds, and they are totally normal. So please pray for me : ) Be patient with us through this phase of life. Try to appreciate my little boys for the goodness that is in them, and not be annoyed at the headache they are giving you. (words of advice for myself mostly) You can't stop them. The trick is embracing their natures and providing appropriate outlets while also teaching them manners and courtesy and appropriate social behavior. Unfortunately it feels like I'm not doing either most days.
One of Landon's favorite movies is Brave-because he likes the bears. His favorite part is when the dad always shouts, "Boys!" at the little brothers. I love this too because that pretty much sums us up. It's all contained in that one word with its inflection and intensity. Here's a little clip of it at the end of this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3b2QnTTV2M
2 comments:
Every once in a while I think about friends who have moved away and I check out their blogs to see how they are. I must say, reading this post was something I both needed and can very much relate to in my own way. I deal with the same issues often....allowing my boys to "be boys" and yet learn to be tender and empathetic all at the same time. Oh gosh, the struggle is real! And a constant one over here. But this post has reminded me of the importance to allow my boys to feel strong, independent, and protective because someday, they will need to be that for a wife a family of their own. I guess what I'm trying to say is, thanks for sharing your thoughts, weaknesses, and worries. I needed it. Much love to you girl! Miss you!
Okay, I couldn't read this post without saying that you are a fine mother who is raising gentleman. Two examples... Matthew is kind and gentle every time he is around my girls. I remember one time in particular that he sat and read Charlotte the same book 3-4 times. I've also seen him include little ones in play time when it would have been more fun to tell them to go away. Koyle makes me laugh! One time when we were leaving your house I held out my arms to give him a hug and he kind of stared at me, not sure what to do. Haha! Justin said, "Koyle, we give hugs in this family!" so Koyle came and gave me a REAL hug and when I said "I love you!" he said, "I love you too!" without hesitation. I think he just needed a little push from dad to make sure he wasn't being a sissy. Haha! I know I'm not around much but I really think you guys are doing such a great job with your boys because every time I am around them they are kind, respectful, and loving. I bet you are thinking I'm crazy but let me explain... They wrestle, but they don't destroy things. They yell, but they don't call mean names. They make messes, but they clean it up when they are told to. Do you see what I'm saying? You are doing a fantastic job!
-Sarah
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